Well, come sit ye down, and I'll tell you a tale
It concerns what goes on 'tween lads and lasses
'Tis a good thing to learn for any canny lass
And when I am done you will thank me.
Chorus 1
Red is yer nose as on yer face it grows
And red is me face as I sit here
And red is the hand does the spankin' in this land
But my arse is redder than any!
Verse 2
"Now come to the bed, me bonnie little wife,
And we'll have a bit of slap-and-tickle.
And willing I went and well was I served
But 'twas then that I made my great blunder.
Verse 3
"Oh, Johnnie, my love, your lovin' has no peer"
And truer words were never spoken
But Robbie's the name of my duly wedded lord
And John is the name of my lover.
Chorus 1
Red is yer nose as on yer face it grows
And red is me face as I sit here
And red is the hand does the spankin' in this land
But my arse is redder than any!
Verse 4
Then up from the bed, me husband bolted up
And great was his rage as he shouted,
"Now how is it, wife that ye call another's name,
When I should be all that ye think of?"
Verse 5
My tale now is done, as I shift from cheek to cheek
The lesson I learned is quite simple;
If ye canna hold your tongue when ye're lyin' with a man,
'Tis best ye remain ever faithful!
Chorus 1
Red is yer nose as on yer face it grows
And red is me face as I sit here
And red is the hand does the spankin' in this land
But my arse is redder than any!