Four Letter Words

When dinner is hearty with onions and beans With garlic, and carrots, and bacon, and greens Your bowels get busy distilling a gas That nature insists be permitted to pass You're very polite, you try to exhale Without noise or perfume, but you frequently fail Expecting no noise, you give it a start When it booms all the boys will agree its a

You may speak of a movement, or sit on the seat Have a passage or stool, or just simply excrete Or say to the others I'm going out back And then groan in pure joy in a little wood shack You may go lay a cable, or do number two Or sit on the toidy, or make a do-do But ladies and men who are socially fit Under no provocation will go take a

While strolling around in your best pair of boots When often you'll tread on these dung colored lumps Some call them droppings, some say manure These certain rank objects are found in the sewer Cows leave meadow muffins, horseflies leave specks Seagulls oft let go on the backs of your necks But though euphemisms may seem quite absurd Whatever you do never call it a

Its a cavern of joy you are thinking of now A warm tender field just awaiting the plow A quivering pigeon in the palm of your hand Or the national anthem that makes us all stand Or perhaps it's a valley, a grot or a well The hope of the world or a velvety hell But friends take my warning, beware the affront Never try Anglo-Saxon and call it a