My Old Man

My old man's a fighter. What do you think about that? He wears a fighter's tabard, he wears a fighter's hat, He wears a fighting tunic, and he wears fighter's shoes, And every day at Pennsic, he reads the daily news. And some day, if I can, I'm going to be a fighter, just like my old man.

My old man's a baron. What do you think about that? He wears a baron's tabard, he wears a nice gold hat, He wears a baron's tunic, and he wears leather shoes, And every day at Pennsic, some one reads him the news. And some day, if I can, I'm going to be a baron, just like my old man.

My old man's the king. What do you think about that? He wears a kingdom tabard, he wears a pointy hat, He wears embroidered tunics, and he wears pointy shoes, And every day at Pennsic, he makes the front page news. And some day, if I can, I'm going to be the king, just like my old man.

My old man's a herald. What do you think about that? He wears a herald's tabard, he wears a wide brimmed hat, He wears a herald's tunic, and he wears sensible shoes, And every day at Pennsic, he cries the daily news. And some day, if I can, I'm going to be a herald, and shout at my old man.

My old man's a merchant. What do you think about that? He'll sell you any tabard, he'll sell you any hat, Hell sell you any tunic, he'll sell you any shoes, And every day at Pennsic, his children shout: PENNSIC DAILY TIDINGS, ONLY FIFTY CENTS! And some day, if I can, I'm going to be a merchant, and sell you my old man.

My old man's a Pelican. What do you think about that? Hell help you make a tabard, he'll help you buy a hat, Hell help you sew a tunic, he'll help you pick out shoes, And every day at Pennsic, he helps put out the news. And some day, if I can, I'm going to be a Pelican, and help out my old man.

My old man's a Tuchuk. What do you think about that? He doesn't own a tabard, he has a fake fur hat, He doesn't wear a tunic, he hasn't any shoes, And every day at Pennsic, he eats the daily news. And some day, if I can, I don't want to be a Tuchuk, not like my old man.

My old man's a Laurel. What do you think about that? He wears a completely authenticated, fully documented tabard, And a completely authenticated, fully documented hat, And a completely authenticated, fully documented tunic, And completely authenticated, fully documented shoes, And every day at Pennsic, he refuses to read the Pennsic Daily Tidings Because his persona would not have been able to understand English. And some day, if I can, I'm going to be a Laurel, and criticize my old man.

My old man's a bard. What do you think about that? He'll sing for a tabard, and then he'll pass his hat, He'll sing about his tunic, and he'll sing and tap his shoes, And every day at Pennsic, he sings about the news. And some day, if I can, I'm going to be a bard, and sing about my old man.

My old man's a knight. What do you think about that? He wears a gold chain o'er his tabard, he wears an iron cap, He wears a white belt round his tunic, and spurs on his shoes, And every day at Pennsic, his squires bring him the news. And some day, if I can, I'm going to be a knight, just like my old man.

My old man's a fop. What do you think about that? He wears a frilly tabard, he wears a floppy hat, He wears lace tunics, and very pointy shoes, And every day at Pennsic, he makes the fashion news. And some day, if I can, I'm going to be a fop, and swish like my old man.

My old man's a stick jock. What do you think about that? He wears faded blue jeans, he wears a baseball cap, He wears a dirty tee-shirt, and white Nike shoes, And every day at Pennsic, he fights. And some day, if I can, I'm going to be a stick jock, and beat up my old man.